THE BORDER BETWEEN MENTAL AND PHYSICAL

The only time when I smiled was when I saw my ribcage

Frail bones forced against faded skin

My heat paralleled the cool touch of the toilet bowl

Run the water while you regurgitate regrets

When my friends asked questions, I laughed

Made excuses for excusing myself from eating each day

I fight this battle alone, I will always be alone

They won’t understand the unease I feel when I undress

I hear my brother ask my mother why I’m always so sick

Whispers through wafer thin walls wondering what’s wrong

This addiction has too many side effects

I do a dangerous dance with death

This isn’t because I want to feel skinny, it’s because I want to feel strong

I don’t any scales, I own secrets

Craving for control over something, over anything

I see that I’m suffering, shrinking, someone save her

I am drowning in my own body and I’m too sick to swim